2024-10-16 Ansiedad
2024-10-16-Ansiedad
DebbieZapata
Being apart from the person you love is never easy, even for someone like myself who needs a great deal of solitude in order to feel settled and strong. Marco and I learned (like all couples must) how to respect the need for personal space in our relationship and still spend as much quality time together as possible.
At this point we are living very much apart physically but we are more connected than ever emotionally. This is not the same type of separation as the one forced upon us by foolish government red tape in 2010. That was traumatic and came at a time when we were still very much in a honeymoon phase, never expecting to be torn apart through no fault of our own.
But this decision was logical and even methodical, having to do with more red tape on the horizon, my declining health, and a vague sense during the last two years I was in Mexico that I needed to leave. NOW. GO GO GO. That sensation grew and grew until I began to wonder if there was going to be some sort of horrible disaster that the Universe was trying to protect me from. I never felt that I was going to leave Marco, but it became very important that I leave Mexico. WHY?
I came back in November of 2018 and spent the next year getting resettled here, adjusting in a sort of reverse culture shock. I had adapted so wonderfully to life in Mexico: I loved the country beyond any place I had ever been, and yet at the same time I was relieved that I was here. Again, WHY?
In early 2020 I received my answer. When the pandemic hit all I could think was Thank You Universe, you may not have explained yourself clearly (do you ever really do that anyway?) but you made sure that I was where I needed to be in order to keep Mother safe. And since that time, as she moves through her nineties, I am even more grateful that I have been able to be here and focus on helping out any way I can.
This would never have been possible without Marco’s support. I didn’t tell him at the time about that fear I felt those last years, I couldn’t. Even for me, with many years of trying to listen to messages from the Universe and obey them, thus living in harmony, my uneasiness seemed so silly, but looking back, it was necessary to feel that dread or I would have been too selfish to leave.
I also firmly believe that these years have made our relationship stronger. Marco and I have learned to truly appreciate each other, to listen more (most of the time: sometimes we both turn into our Evil Twins but we try to keep that from happening too often); to explain ourselves as clearly as possible when we talk to each other, to not be afraid to mention anything we are feeling, to explore all the topics that interest and entertain us. We have rediscovered old pleasures such as reading aloud, and new ones like the world of sumo.
Marco may be far away from my side, but he is in my heart and soul, just like Mexico is and always will be. There would be no Debbie without Marco. Thank you, mi amor.
Debbie Zapata, October 2024
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