I.<\/p>\n
Young Juan kept silent when the other men began teasing him about his old ski mask.
\n“He’s afraid those big ears will get cold!”
\n“Don’t worry about your ears, chamaco, there are more important things to keep warm
\nlower down.”
\n“Hey, he’s too young to be worrying about that.”
\n“No man is ever too young, amigo.”
\n“I think that mask will make him invisible so La Migra won’t see him.”
\n“Hey Juanito, I need that kind of magic more than you do…pinche migra caught me
\ntwice already!”
\n“Only because you are too slow, Gordo. Besides, it would take something a lot bigger
\nthan a ski mask to make YOU invisible.”
\nJuan joined in the quiet laughter and settled the raggedy mask more comfortably over
\nhis face. Then he told the group about his mother, now far away to the south.
\nShe could have ordered him to stay home; he was still young enough that she had that
\npower over him. But she saw that this trip he had dreamed of for most of his short
\nlife could turn him into the man he wanted to be. So she had spent her last coins on
\nthe faded black ski mask and made him promise that he would wear it in The North.
\nTonight they were as far north as they could go inside their own country. Soon they
\nwould cross to a new world and a new life. And what kind of man would he be if he did
\nnot keep his promise to his mother?
\nNo one spoke. They thought of their own mothers or wives or sweethearts. It seemed as
\nif the women had sped north to embrace their men one last time.
\nThe night air felt sad until Juan, feeling guilty for changing the mood, admitted that
\nhe had been worried about his ears as well but they already felt much better, gracias.
\nThe gentle laughter returned. Gordo’s voice rumbled in the dark.
\n“Juanito, you are a good boy. A promise to one’s mother is holy, you know. Keeping
\nthis promise is better magic than being invisible to La Migra.”
\n“Yes, but Gordo will stay close to you for luck anyway so he can go with you if you
\nsuddenly disappear in a puff of smoke!”
\nEveryone laughed again, then settled down to wait for the guide who was to lead them
\nthrough the desert to the next safe place. They kept their thoughts to themselves now.
\nSome remembered the past, others looked far into the future, and a few worried about
\nthe days directly ahead. But each one made a private promise: “Young Juan will be safe
\nno matter what happens to me.”<\/p>\n
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>\n
II.<\/p>\n
THIS IS HARDER THAN YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE, ISN’T IT, JUANITO. YOU SHOULD NOT BE HERE,
\nYOU KNOW. YOU SHOULD BE BACK HOME WITH YOUR MOTHER. WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF HER NOW THAT
\nYOU ARE GONE? NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT, DID YOU? ALL YOU COULD THINK OF WAS THE NORTH:
\nHAVING AN ADVENTURE, SEEING THE WORLD, BECOMING A MAN. AY, JUANITO, SOMETIMES THE ONLY
\nTRUE MEN ARE THE ONES WHO ACCEPT LIFE AS IT IS GIVEN TO THEM. BUT YOU HAD TO BE ONE OF
\nTHOSE DREAMERS….CAREFUL,YOU COULD BREAK YOUR ANKLE IN THESE ROCKS AND THEN WHAT WILL
\nHAPPEN? DO YOU THINK YOUR COYOTE WILL CARRY YOU THE REST OF THE WAY? NO, YOU WOULD BE
\nSTRANDED OUT HERE IN THE DESERT, LEFT AS FOOD FOR THE FOUR-LEGGED COYOTES. OH, DOES
\nTHAT IDEA UPSET YOU? WELL, TRY HARDER TO KEEP UP WITH THE GROUP, JUANITO. YOU ARE
\nSLOWING THEM DOWN. THEY COULD GO MUCH FASTER WITHOUT YOU, YOU KNOW. LA MIGRA WILL CATCH
\nALL OF THEM BECAUSE OF YOU. LA MIGRA WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOUR DREAMS, THEY HAVE HEARD
\nTHEM ALL BEFORE. THEY HAVE SEEN DREAMS TURN INTO NIGHTMARES. THEY HAVE SEEN PEOPLE WHO
\nWANDERED IN THE DESERT FOR DAYS WITH NO WATER, NO FOOD, NO IDEA THAT THEIR DREAM WAS
\nOVER BEFORE IT BEGAN. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE COME, JUANITO. YOU ARE NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR
\nTHIS FAMOUS NORTH YOU THOUGHT WOULD BE SO WONDERFUL. THERE ARE TERRIBLE THINGS HERE AND
\nTHEY ARE WAITING FOR YOU. DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU ARE MAN ENOUGH TO FACE THEM, JUANITO?
\nJUANITO…JUANITO….<\/p>\n
“Juanito…Juanito…here…take a sip of water, it will help you.”
\n“How is he?”
\n“Poor chamaco, he is very tired. I do not think he was ready for this.”
\n“No one ever is, Gordo. In dreams it is all so easy but no one is ever ready for the
\nreality.”
\n“So why do we keep trying?”
\n“Because sometimes dreams do come true, amigo.Let’s go, the guide is signalling.Vamos,
\nJuanito. We will help you. You can do it…we all can do it. Vamos, Juanito.”<\/p>\n
JUANITO….JUANITO….THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO START A NEW LIFE. STUMBLING THROUGH THE
\nDESERT, HUNTED LIKE AN ANIMAL. AND FOR WHAT? NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE. THEY ARE AFRAID OF
\nYOU. THE MEN ARE AFRAID YOU WILL TAKE THEIR JOBS….WHICH OF COURSE YOU WILL, BECAUSE
\nYOU KNOW HOW TO WORK AND THEY HAVE FORGOTTEN WHAT THAT MEANS. BUT THEY WILL STILL
\nHATE YOU FOR BEING WILLING TO SWEAT WHEN THEY ARE NOT. THE WOMEN WILL NOT SEE YOU AS
\nTHE INNOCENT YOUNG BOY YOU REALLY ARE. THEY WILL THINK YOU ARE HERE JUST TO GET THEM
\nALL INTO BED. THEY WILL HATE YOU IF YOU TRY AND HATE YOU MORE IF YOU DO NOT TRY. PEOPLE
\nWILL CALL YOU NAMES, THEY WILL BE CRUEL, THEY WILL TRY TO MAKE YOU GIVE UP. YOU SHOULD
\nNOT HAVE COME, JUANITO…YOU SHOULD GO HOME RIGHT NOW…JUST TURN AROUND, JUANITO…NO,
\nTHE OTHER WAY,JUANITO…JUANITO…JUANITO…<\/p>\n
“Juanito!! Juanito!! Catch him, Gordo!!”<\/p>\n
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>\n
III.<\/p>\n
The men were huddled under mesquite trees, hoping for protection from both the sun and
\nthe patrols looking for them. The guide had ordered them to stop while he went ahead
\nto scout the country. No one was entirely sure he would return for them. But even with
\nthis concern hanging over their heads, they were more worried about Juanito, who did
\nnot seem to know who they were or even who HE was. He was listening intently and with
\nobvious terror to something none of the men could hear.<\/p>\n
“What has happened to him?”
\n“The desert can make any man crazy….I have seen this before.”
\n“Yes, but that is why we decided to make this trip in the winter months. The heat is
\nnot the same as it would be in summer. So I do not think the heat is making Juanito
\nbehave this way.”
\n“I did not say the heat, I said the desert. It is too wild, too empty, too strong.”
\n“Maybe for one man alone. But we are all here with Juanito, and he must have known we
\nwould do anything to help him. So why is he so afraid?”
\nThey watched as Juanito curled himself into a tight ball, shook his head and whimpered
\nlike a frightened puppy.
\n“I do not understand this at all. But I think he would be more comfortable now without
\nthe ski mask. Juanito…Juanito…”<\/p>\n
JUANITO…JUANITO…YOU HAVE TO DECIDE RIGHT NOW. YOU CAN STILL GET BACK TO WHERE YOU
\nBELONG. JUST GET UP AND START WALKING. IT IS EASY. I WILL HELP YOU. I WILL PROTECT YOU
\nFROM ALL DANGER. JUST GO. YOU CAN DO IT. YOU WILL BE A FAILURE, OF COURSE, BUT AT LEAST
\nYOU WILL BE A FAILURE IN YOUR OWN VILLAGE. NO ONE WILL LAUGH AT YOU THERE. YOU MUST GO
\nHOME. AND YOU MUST TAKE ME WITH YOU. NEVER LET US BECOME SEPARATED OR YOU WILL DIE IN
\nTHE DESERT, JUANITO…JUANITO….<\/p>\n
“Juanito, let me help you, chamaco. You do not need the mask until later, let me take
\nit off for now. You will feel better.”
\nJuanito struggled, trying to keep Gordo away, but the big man pinned him down easily
\nand pulled the sweaty black mask off the boy’s head.
\n“What have you done? Look, he has fainted!”
\n“It is the fresh air on his head that did it. He has worn this mask day and night
\nsince we crossed the border. I know he promised his mother, but it was making me
\nnervous.”
\n“So you took it to calm yourself, not to help Juanito? Gordo, you should be ashamed,
\nbeing scared of a boy in a ski mask.”
\n“I did not say scared, I said nervous.”
\nJust then the guide returned. They were all to follow him quickly and quietly. Gordo
\nstuffed the mask in a pocket, pulled Juanito to his feet, and helped him begin the next
\npart of the journey.<\/p>\n
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>\n
IV.<\/p>\n
This section of the trek was rough. The desert scrub grew closer together, making it
\nnearly impossible to walk without getting scratched by sharp thorns. The guide hurried
\nthem along, insisting they could not stop until much farther. The men worried about
\nJuanito at first, but were surprised that with each hour that passed, he became
\nstronger and had no problem keeping up. Finally, when even Gordo felt he could not take
\nanother step, the guide called a rest break.<\/p>\n
“Juanito, it is so good to see you as yourself again!”
\n“Yes, welcome back to the world, chamaco. Do you feel allright now?”
\n“Of course he feels allright! Why, he would be running instead of walking if he did
\nnot think it would make you old men feel bad!”
\n“And what about you, Gordo? Are you not also an old man?”
\n“Yes, but I would not feel bad if Juanito ran.I would be proud of his warrior spirit!”
\n“You got a taste of that spirit when you were taking his mask away, didn’t you?”
\n“That is how I discovered it, yes! Oh, by the way, here is your mask, chamaco.”<\/p>\n
Juanito took the mask as if it were on fire, held it a moment, whispered an apology
\nto his mother. Next he found a rock as big as an orange, tied it inside the mask and
\nthrew it as far as he could into the desert. Then he quietly explained.
\nIt had seemed such an easy promise to make, the one to his mother about wearing the
\nmask in the North. But with every step he had taken on this side of the border, the
\nhorrid thing had felt as if it were shrinking. He could not see. He could not breathe.
\nHe could not speak. He could barely hear, and then only a voice he did not recognize. A
\nvoice which slowly emptied his mind of his dreams and filled it with doubts and fears.
\nAnd most terrifying of all, he could not seem to make himself remove the mask. He was
\ntrapped inside his mind with that voice. The very moment that Gordo had pulled the mask
\nfrom his head, Juanito had felt such a surge of relief that he had fainted. He was fine
\nnow, just a little sad about his mother; he hoped she would understand.<\/p>\n
“Ay, chamaco….that is witchcraft!”
\n“Yes, there must have been a curse on that mask!”
\n“But who would do such a thing to this young man? And how…..when?”
\n“Maybe La Migra did it!”
\n“They would not know how…..Would they?”
\n“No. Besides, as far as we know, no one touched the mask except Juanito, Gordo, and..”
\nThere was an embarrassed silence. No one wanted to say what they were suddenly all
\nthinking. Would a boy’s own mother use such evil magic against him? If there was no way
\nto keep him at home, would she send him on the road under a curse that would force him
\nto return? A curse that might kill him?<\/p>\n
The guide called and the men started walking again. Juanito trudged along, pretending
\nthat he had not understood the words the men had left unsaid. But a confusing new empty
\nspace in his heart was more honest, and told him the truth the rest of his life.<\/p>\n
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>\n
V.<\/p>\n
“When will my son return?”
\n“I do not know if he will return.”
\n“But…but I paid you for…”
\n“You paid for powerful witchcraft. But you did not pay to know the results.”
\n“I must know! I will find the money somehow. Tell me now….you must tell me!”
\n“I can not. I warned you. Every curse has a shadow. Now you must live in the darkness
\nof uncertainty, never knowing if Juanito is even still alive. This is the true price of
\nyour desire to interfere with his destiny.”<\/p>\n
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>\n
copyright Debbie Zapata ~~ July 1, 2014<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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